 |
Operation: Aqua Merph
The image to the left is a satellite photo of Merph's house. Yes, that's right, the very house that was invaded during Operation: Aqua Merph 1 and 2, and Operation: Max D-3.
Justin, Trevor, Craig, Chuck, and I infiltrated the Merph household, and struck silently, with high powered squirt guns on the unsuspecting targets. Unfortunately, the first two times, Merph was out of town, and we actually only succeeded in totally drenching Merph's little brother and a friend, and scaring them to death.
|
President Bush Declares: "War on Nature"
AP- President Bush today in a stirring address to the nation declared the United States to be involved in a "War on Nature". He stated that "in light of recent news of Hurricane Ivan's imminent threat of leveling the city of New Orleans, that the United States must take action immediately. "Category 5 hurricanes are mother nature's thermo-nuclear warheads. These massive WMD's must be stopped immediately, as they pose a direct threat to national security". President Bush went on to say that mother nature "will stop at nothing to destroy the American way of life, and there is no reasoning with her". He then took out two colt .45 revolvers and started dancing a jig while firing repeatedly into the air, yelling "YEEHAW".
When questioned by reporters on the scene, President Bush said that his first line of action in the War on Nature would be to invade France immediately.
Opponents to the President in the House and Senate have voiced their concern recently:
"We cannot fight mother nature! We should just roll over and play dead! Better yet! Let's kill ourselves!" --Tom Daschle
In related news, Michael Moore is hard at work on his new movie "Like A Hurricane", which details the links between President Bush's post convention bounce and the rash of recent Hurricanes. Moore is quoted as saying "It's obvious to anyone who isn't a right wing conservative NUT that President Bush and his crooked administration are engineering nature in order to keep good, jewish Democrats away from the polls by destroying their homes! I have proof that the administration sent preliminary warnings to Republicans and that Hurricane Charley and the bunch discriminated solely against minorities!"
Moore is also quoted as mumbling "right wings? Is that anything like Buffalo Wings? Mmmmmm... ::thud::"
President Bush has immediately begun steps to take on mother nature, ordering immediate drilling in the ANWAR reserves, and using an executive order to mandate that all American's use SUV's for transportation. The CIA is also using Arabs and Mexicans by throwing them into lakes, rivers, and streams in order to dirty them--after all, President Bush said "they are the dirtiest people groups on the planet".
More news as we get it here at Ubii's made up news stories...
|
Calling All Super Heroes...
Boston is like the super villian to the New York Yankees' Justice League of America. They just look evil. And of course, you know the old adage. Good always triumphs over evil in the end. The Yankees, in stark contrast, look like every man's every man; Jorge, Jeter, Rodriguez, Matsui, Bernie, Rivera, Mussina, they're all loveable.
Contrast that with Pedro, Schilling, Manny, Damon, Ortiz, and--ick--Ben Affleck.
I mean, Damon even looks like Charles Manson, for crying out loud.
Ask yourself: Who do you want saving the world?
|
